While businesses are folding and homes are being foreclosed on, there is one thing we can be thankful for amid this economic crisis. GREAT SEX and more of it! Are you sruprised that while the economy is the crapper your sex life is soaring? Well you shouldn’t be. What else is there to do when you don’t have any money? It costs nothing, besides the cost of condoms, to get naked and bump uglies. Not to mention all the stress relief and euphoric triggers having sex releases.

An average day in the American life now consists of getting up at the crack of dawn, if you still have a job, checking out the stock market crawler on CNN while you get ready for work. You can already look forward to losing money because by the time you get home from work the market will be down 500 points, or so. You sit in rush hour traffic and curse the fact that you bought the gas guzzling car you’re currently sitting. you walk into the office and take a seat in your cubicle where you try to be incognito, and kissing all the “Higher Ups” asses trying to keep from receiving an inevitable pink slip. At 6pm you head home to a desk full of past due bills that you don’t have the money to pay because your mortgage rate his sky rocketed. With so much to be depressed about, it’s no wonder more and more people are turning to sex to bring them down off that ledge.

Record high unemployment rates are the main cause of this rise in Americans’ libidos. With nothing to do but scour Careerbuilder and Monster for jobs in a jobless market the best way to elevate the tension is sex. Not just sex but great sex and more of it. How? All the free times you have on your hands now allows you to do away with the totally unproductive “quicky.” Save some money on your electric bill and turn down the lights, light a few candles, recycle your old lingerie, put on your old Marvin Gaye cd and enjoy the extra time to make sweet sweet love and do it right. There’s no need to rush off to work, or hurry up so you can get a good nights rest before the big meeting. So slow down and try new things, hell even do it more than once, or just get down right wild and crazy. Start here to make the worst fiscal year of your life the best sex year of your life. So, take a break from lying around in bed eating ice cream, only getting up to put on your slippers and to shuffle to the mailbox looking for your unemployment check. You and your unemployed spouse should take turns rolling over on top of one another and doing the deed.

Ms. Sassy,
My girlfriend smart and talented, she’s one of those people who’s good at everything she does but she can’t cook. Try as she might, everything she cooks ends up in my napkin instead of in my stomach. I don’t want to hurt her feelings but I don’t know what else to do. I just can’t take her nasty cooking anymore!
-Bad Cook

Bad Cook,
This is a very delicate situation. If you tell her her food sucks she may very well try to poison in an effort to seek retribution for you bruising her ego. Your best bet is to surprise her with cooking classes. Just go with me on this one. Tell her that you heard about this couples cooking class and you want the two of you to go because you want to learn to cook and having her with you at the lesson will make it more fun and you think it’ll be a great way for you two to spend time together. You’ll be able to cook together and help her out when she’s making the meals so you won’t feel like such a bum. She’ll be overjoyed that you were purely thinking of her in an effort to better yourself. And she’ll have a few dishes under her belt that don’t make you vomit, or you can opt to cook for her. Either way it gives you way more options for actually eating edible food.
Am I a genius or what?
-Ms. Sassy

“There she is, Ms. America’s Next Top Model…” That’s right, the worst season, EVER, of America’s Next Top Model has finally come to an end and Tyra & Panel found fit to crown McKey as the new ANTM Cycle 11 winner. Kudos McKey! I have to say that at the season’s start I was rooting for Elina. She’s so fierce, but alas she was cut after only being in Holland for one episode. From there McKey caught my eye and quickly turned into my new fave model. Well, thankfully the judges decided to make her America’s Next Top Model. While Samantha had some seriously strong pictures, her look was just plain boring, plus she just kind of looked like a thinner version of Whitney, ANTM Cycle 10 winner, who I thought was just too “Plain Jane” to win.

Now that America’s Next Top Model Cycle 11 has come to an end, let’s take a look back out our fave moments. My personal fave was watching Marjorie turn into a lush to calm her nerves. Hilarious! I also loved what an ignorant racist Sheena was. I swear I was waiting for someone to pull out the uber non-politically correct “Asian speak” and mock her so she could see what it feels like to be stereotyped. To check out your favorite models and moments from ANTM Cycle 11 click here.

Who where you voting for and what are your picks for best and worst Cycle 11 moments?

Yes, you read the title right. Benji Madden finally figured out that his main squeeze was a major ho. What else do you call someone who’s had intercourse with Rick Solomon? Oh, and remember all the up-skirt crotch shots her and her BFF Britney Spears had plastered on the internet? All I can say is, “Benji, what the hell where you thinking?” Just because you have a twin doesn’t mean you have to date best friends and have a double wedding, which let’s face it that’s where the situation was headed. How they lasted 7 months I’ll never know but he should count himself lucky that he got out now, before Paris ended up with herpees. Plus, think of all the money he’ll save by not having to buy her an obscenely expensive Christmas present. Not to mention that the paps will stay out of his business and he can go back to being referred to as “Who?” or “Nicole Richie’s boyfriend’s twin brother.” With the holidays coming up, if he starts to miss Paris he should go down to Sunset and grab himself a blond, beak-nosed $50 hooker. It’ll be just like old times. For more deets on the split check out the vid below, courtesy of E!

Ms. Sassy,
I am not sure what to do about my boyfriend. We’ve been going out for 11 months and he is the best thing that has happened to me. He makes me laugh when I’m sad, gives me cuddles, kisses, and random little presents to make me feel better. He does all the things that they say boyfriends should do. On our one month anniversary he was meant to pick me up from work but he was missing, for near almost an hour. I eventually found him, so drunk that I to let him sleep it off. A couple of hours later he woke up and told me that he had kissed his ex-girlfriend. He said that was all that happened and I believe him, but I cant get over their kiss. She dropped out of school and is now in the same college as us. I’ve been told that she’ll sleep with anything that moves or breathes by numerous people, including her best friend. I’m really scared that she’ll try to make a move on my boyfriend, again. I trust him it’s just his ex who I’m concerned about. My first boyfriend messed with my head and broke my heart, my second relationship was terrible, so I think she is in the way of me loving him properly, as I don’t want to get hurt again =[
What should i do?
-Wanting More Than This

Wanting More Than This,
If you have a great guy then enjoy it. Don’t let some STD ridden skank mess with your head and sabotage your relationship. Your guy may have kissed hi ex one month into his relationship with you but he was obviously torn up about it and that fact that he was honest and fessed up speaks volumes about how he feels about you. If he wanted to be with her then he wouldn’t have spent the past 11 months with you. Trust him but don’t be a sucker either. You know what your gut is telling you so trust your instincts. If you don’t think there’s anything going on between your guy in his ex, then trust that and love him the way that you want to but are afraid to do. However, if he is giving you real reason to be uncomfortable doing that then you need to cut him lose.
-Ms. Sassy

Dear Ms. Sassy,
I’m a 28 year old male. I’ve been married for one year, barely, and my wife and I are already separated. We now live 800 miles apart and hardly ever see each other. Everything came to a head when we couldn’t get on the same page about when to start expanding our family. So, we decided to take a year off.

Well, with us living so far apart and me moving back to my hometown and hanging out with all my single friends, I’ve fallen into an affair. I don’t really know how it happened, it just did. I know I should break things off but I’m a man and I have needs. Besides, my wife is the one who put me out. Am I really wrong for seeking the comfort of another woman?
-One Year Itch

One Year Itch,
This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard of. Who the hell separates from their spouse less than one year in?! Why did you even get married? I know you’re saying that starting a family is the reason for for the separation but I can’t help but think that there’s a deeper issue. Hell, any idiot can see that. Obviously you aren’t ready to have kids, that requires you to not be a selfish bastard, which you obviously are otherwise you wouldn’t be cheating on your wife.

What you need to do is put your tiny pee pee away and go home to your wife and offer to go to couples therapy. Bringing another woman into the equation isn’t going to solve anything as a matter of fact, if your wife finds out it’s going to make things a whole hell of a lot worse. Quit trying to recapture your days as a wild bachelor and act like a grown up. Break things off with your mistress and at least try to make things work with your wife. If after some counseling you come to the realization that you married her for all the wrong reasons then move forward with a divorce. Until then, keep your man-meat away from random women’s hoo-haas.
-Ms. Sassy

Ms. Sassy,
My boyfriend is a filthy pig. OK maybe I’m being a little over dramatic. He’s not so much a filthy pig as he is slovenly. Every time he sets foot in my apartment he leaves a path of destruction behind him. I don’t understand what he has against putting things back where he got them from. He finishes eating his food and just leaves his plate sitting on the counter. He’s the last one out of the bed and he doesn’t bother to make it up. And it’s not just him, my dad and my brother are the same way. I don’t understand why he can’t clean up after himself. I don’t go to his house and make a mess! WTH? How do I let him know that he’s driving me crazy without sounding like a total beeyotch?
-Housekeeper

Housekeeper,
OMG, I know exactly what you mean! My boyfriend is the exact same way. I’m with you I just don’t get it. Why do guys want to be in a relationship that closely mirrors that of a mother and son rather than as two adults as equals? I can’t stand cleaning up after my guy. I start yelling and slamming things, it’s a mess. I get to the point where I feel like my head is going to explode.

That being said, guys are sensitive, no matter how much they try to deny it. So I like to go with the passive aggressive approach. When he leaves something in disarray, I look him straight in the eye and ask, “Are you done with this,” while standing next to the mess. He then realizes what he did says, “Yes,” and jumps up to clean it. It works like a charm. And while I’m not a fan of being passive aggressive, well sometimes you just have to be.
-Ms. Sassy

Ms. Sassy,
WTH? My BF, whom I love very much is a freaking sex hound. Anytime we kiss it always leads to sex. All I want to do is make out sometimes but he says that I have great lips and once he kisses them it really turns him on and he wants to do more. It’s flattering, but I feel like I can’t touch him without his dick getting hard. How do I tell him to put “it” away without making him feel rejected?
-Kissing Only

Kissing Only,
Your lips must put Angelina Jolie’s to shame. I think it’s great that your guy is so attracted to you that just a little touch makes him want to rip your clothes off. Enjoy it while it lasts, because once the newness of the relationship wears off you can kiss that hyperactive sex drive goodbye.

For the time being just let your guy know that as much as you love having sex with him sometimes you just want to be physical without it always having to lead to sex. He’ll moan and groan at first, but he’s obviously into you so he’ll get over it. Plus it’ll add a little mystery into the equation and give him something to look forward to.
-Ms. Sassy

Is it just me or does Sasha Fierce look at lot like Beyoncé? She does right? She sounds a hell of a lot like her, too. And if Sasha Fierce is Beyoncé’s alter ego, does that mean that Jay-Z is doing two broads at once whenever he does Beyoncé?

For those of you who are clamoring to meet Sasha Fierce, and I can’t imagine there are that many of you, she hits stores today with a look and sound that she obviously ripped off from Beyoncé. Remember when Mariah Carey tried to pull this shit with The Emancipation of Mimi? Yeah, neither do I. That’s how whack it was. Well seeing as how I’m about sick of Beyoncé I’m pretty sure I won’t be too keen on Sasha Fierce, either. Oh well, nice try though Beyoncé.

Ms. Sassy,
I’m afraid I’ve run into a problem in my love life. I’ve been dating the most wonderful guy on and off for almost two years now. But now that I’m away at college two hours away, I don’t get to see him as often as I’d like, and that’s starting to pose a slight problem. You see, I am what my friends like to call a ‘contact whore,’ meaning that I thrive on physical contact. It’s always been relaxing and enjoyable to me to just go up to one of my friends and play with their hair, sit in their lap, or get a hug: sometimes all three. Now that I’m up here away from everyone who would do that normally, I’m starting to feel deprived.

And that’s where the new guy comes in. I’ve met someone up here. He’s sweet, he’s nice, he’s funny, he loves swing-dancing, and he gives the greatest hugs. So herein lies my problem. I’m starting to fall for him, and it’s really not good. I still have my guy from back home, but the longer I’m away, the less attached I feel. And now that I know that I’m not going to see my guy for over a month is really starting to kill, because once I find something to fill a void, I tend to stick to it. Like the new guy up here. I like him, and I think he likes me, but I still like my guy from home. I just don’t know what to do.
-Confused

Confused,
A “contact whore?” That is some new terminology for me. I have never heard of that before but now that I know the term I can definitely say that I knew a couple growing up. Although, it seems to me that you’re more of an “attention whore.” You do whatever to make sure someone is giving you attention, hence all the “contact.”

Now that that has been established, back to the problem at hand. You have a guy back home but due to all your shameless flirting have found yourself falling for a guy at school. You’re young, you’re in college stop tying yourself down to one guy. You’re too young to have figured this out yet but long distance relationships don’t last. Break things off with your guy from back home. Don’t mention the new guy who has your eye, simply let him know that you think you guys should cool things off for awhile because the distance is taking its toll on you. Then you’ll be free to explore things with the newbie, guilt free. Voilà! Ms. Sassy has solved your problems.
-Ms. Sassy